Big Man in a Little Car

Semi-finals

2011-06-26T12:25:00.000-07:00

I started this exercise figuring I'd be lucky to find two or three legitimate options to choose from. I ended up with eleven. And that's ignoring the three or four 2011 models that weren't in stock at the local dealer, as well as the new-for-2012 models that weren't quite available yet (redesigned Beetle, Scion iQ, Hyundai Veloster).

I could spend the next several weeks doing test drives and extensive reviews of all of them, but that's really not necessary. Just from sitting in them and examining statistics, I can already determine that I like some more than others. I arbitrarily decided to limit the possibilities to four and make my final choice from there. To make it even easier, I decided I would choose one car from each class - compact, midsize, wagon/crossover, and SUV.

The SUV class was easy, since there was only one entry. The Outlander Sport has the most room for passengers and cargo of any car reviewed, and looks pretty sweet to boot.

The wagon/crossover class started out pretty big, but it came down to just the Soul and SX-4 once we selected for fatass-compatibility. Of the two, the Soul is a much nicer car. It's roomier and better looking. The materials and build quality seem much better. The SX-4 does have AWD, but I will still have the option of a proper 4WD truck when inclement weather is an issue. For 95% of the year, the Soul is just a better choice.

The mid-size class ended up being won by a car that isn't technically mid-sized. The Elantra has always been a "compact" car, but over the years, it's gradually grown larger and larger. The 2011 model has an overall length and internal volume that makes it legally a mid-size sedan. While it's not quite as flashy as the 200 or as roomy as the Fusion, the Elantra is the Goldilocks of the group - it's just right. It also gets 41 miles per gallon - about ten more than the other midsize cars. That's a substantial fuel savings over the course of a year, and really puts it over the top.

The 2012 Accent "pulled an Elantra" and snuck into a class that it didn't used to be in. Formerly a sub-compact, the redesigned model wipes the floor with the other compacts for both comfort and economy. Don't get me wrong - the Sentra and 3 are both very good cars. But given the choice between one of them and an Accent, the Accent wins. It's cheaper than either, and more fuel efficient as well.

And as for the Smart, well, it's just not practical. Maybe it would have made the cut if I lived in a city where on-street parking was an issue and I would never have to drive above 50mph. But out here in the real world, I will have to merge onto highways at 75mph and contend with 18-wheelers. Not to mention the unending ridicule I would receive for driving a street-legal golf cart. That sort of thing shouldn't matter to me, but it does.

One last thing I took into account in narrowing down the list is warranties. All four of the cars I chose have 5yr/60k mile bumper-to-bumper and 10yr/100k mile powertrain guarantees. Most of the cars I didn't choose had much shorter warranties. It wasn't my primary consideration, but it is important when you're considering a $16k-$20k investment that you'll be driving for at least five years.

Over the next week or two I will be doing a lot of research into these four cars. I will be going over them with a fine toothed comb at the dealership, and doing test drives. I will post my findings and make a final decision in about a month.

Suzuki

2011-06-26T10:31:00.000-07:00

Suzuki is pretty much the Geo of Japan. In fact, back when Geo still existed, several of their models were made by Suzuki. They've gotten better, but not much. Their cheap cars are still very cheap, and they look and feel like it. But fair is fair - let's give them a shot.

Kizashi
So far, every midsize car I've tried has been both comfortable, and just barely above my $20k limit once you actually find one with the basic, necessary options. The Kizashi does not buck the trend. In fact, of the half-dozen at the dealership I visited, the cheapest was over $23k.

But you do get a nice car for the money - nicer than you'd expect from Suzuki, at any rate. Entrance/exit was OK, but not awesome. A little worse than Sentra or Elantra, especially in the head department. The seats were extremely nice, but the one I tried was the >$30k premium trim level. There was enough room all around. When I asked the salesman the chances of actually getting a Kizashi with an automatic for under $20k, he said "Maybe in a year or two, when they come back used". Drat.

SX-4
This is what Suzuki does best - small and cheap. The "crossover" version with AWD, touchscreen GPS, heated seats, and all the other bells and whistles, is still a bit under $20k. This is the only AWD vehicle to make the list. Comfort wise, it works. It's easier to get in and out of than the Kizashi. The upright seating posture is excellent for larger people, and there is enough room for all of me. The seats themselves are cheap and a bit on the hard side though, and long trips might get uncomfortable. I can't shake the stigma of the brand name, but I have to admit this might be a contender.

Mitsubishi

2011-06-26T10:03:00.000-07:00

There are no Mitsubishi dealers near me, but it turned out to be well worth the drive.

Lancer
The souped-up version of the Lancer (Evo) is all the rage with rally drivers and people who think they're rally drivers. It's also expensive as hell. The toned-down version is much more reasonably priced. Unfortunately, it's also pretty small. Getting in was even more difficult than the Focus, and the seats were hard. My head just barely grazed the roof, and if I were to hit a bump, I would probably be knocked unconscious. Not good.

Outlander Sport
When making up the original list of <$20k, >30mpg cars, I somehow missed the Outlander Sport. It's the only SUV in America that meets my requirements - though only in the base 2WD configuration.

This is a very comfortable car. Like all SUVs, it has a higher ride height and therefore higher seat, which means much easier ingress/egress than lower vehicles. Even on the base model, the seats are very nice, and you have plenty of room in every direction. My only minor complaint is that the center console is at mid-shin level. This means that there is plenty of room to spread my knees, but if I do, the console presses into my lower leg. It's not excruciating or anything, but it's an annoyance.

Logically, this should be the ideal vehicle. It offers similar economy to many of the smaller vehicles, but gives the option of carrying back seat passengers and cargo as well. But there just seems to be something wrong with replacing my existing SUV with another SUV. On paper it makes sense, but I don't see how it can really be as efficient as smaller, lighter compacts and subcompacts. Mind games aside, this is going to the semifinals.

Smart

2011-06-25T22:46:00.000-07:00

This post was meant to be a joke. The joke's on me.

ForTwo
This is the smallest and cheapest car available in the US. It's only as long as most full-size pickup trucks are wide. I didn't think I would even be able to get inside one of these microcars, let alone sit comfortably. I was wrong.

What kind of devil-magic is this?

Due to some very clever engineering, this was actually more spacious than nearly all of the cars I've tested. The doors are wide, the roofline is very high, and there's nothing in the way of my knees. It's amazing. Granted, it's so narrow that there wasn't room for a center armrest, and there is no room whatsoever for cargo unless you want to strap it into the passenger seat. But there is a lot of room for a driver, and that's pretty much all I'll be transporting anyway.

I do have some reservations about the handling and acceleration of such a tiny vehicle. I am also acutely aware of how absurd I will look driving this go-kart. I didn't take a test drive yet, but if this makes it to the final round of evaluations, I will have to. It's just too cheap and too comfortable to completely rule out, even with the other concerns.

Hyundai

2011-06-25T22:31:00.000-07:00

15 years ago, Hyundais were a joke. Now, they're probably the best value for money on four wheels. Build quality and materials have gone from piss-poor to top-shelf. I knew going into this that if I could fit into one of their cars, it was going to be the one to beat. Dammit, I fit into all three. Comfortably.

Sonata
I didn't really pay attention when I put this on the list. Yes, you can get a Sonata for under $20k, but that's with a 6-speed manual. As much fun as that would be on leisurely drives, it's considerably less fun in stop-and-go traffic. I don't have that kind of patience, and I'd likely burn through a clutch per year. Upgrading to an automatic would put this out of my preferred price range. It might be worth it anyway, but rules are rules. Besides, the Elantra is just as comfortable, nearly as nice, and is within my range.

For the record though, it is a very nice car. Easily as comfortable as the Fusion and classier than even the 200. For about $27k you can get one that will put cars costing ten grand more to shame. Maybe in a few years...

Accent
The first time I stopped by the local dealership, all the 2011 Accents were sold out and the 2012s hadn't arrived yet. Today they had one 2012, and though it was already reserved, they let me sit in it. It was pretty much perfect. Other than having to duck my head a bit more than usual, getting in and out was easy. There was loads of room inside, including more width in the knee area than nearly all the other cars I've tried so far. The seats were wide and comfortable, and the armrest was where it should be. The interior was plainer than the Sonata and Elantra, but still nicer than you'd expect given the <$16k price tag. I really liked this little car, and if the Elantra didn't exist, I'd probably be driving one in a month or two.

Elantra
This was the sweet spot between the slightly too-expensive Sonata and the slightly too-cheap Accent. Space-wise, it was about the same as the Accent. But the look and feel of the interior was noticeably improved, and that bumps the overall comfort up a notch. I did have to duck my head a bit getting in and out, but not drastically so. I think this might be a winner.

Fiat

2011-06-23T17:11:00.000-07:00

My original list of potential cars did not include Fiat. That's because I was not aware they were available in the US already. Well they are, even though dealerships are still few and far between. Fiat is still testing the American waters, and they are only offering one model this year. Luckily for me, it's one that meets my criteria for testing.

500
As a huge Top Gear fan, I have known about this little Italian city car for a few years. It's immensely popular in Europe, and I can see why. It's cute, without being ridiculous like the New Beetle. The interior is stylish without being gaudy. I very much wanted to fit in the Fiat.

But I don't. Of the two dozen cars I've tried, this is the first without enough head room. Even with the (vertically adjustable) seat all the way down, my head hit the roof liner. The only way to fit was to lean the seat way back and sit like a gangster. Of course, without a telescoping steering wheel, this left me unable to reach the wheel comfortably. Everything else was OK - not great, but OK. But the head room thing is a deal breaker.

Chrysler

2011-06-22T20:17:00.000-07:00

With Plymouth being mothballed, Chrysler Corp. is down to only two makes with a handful of models each. Dodge has gone trucks-and-high-performance-only, and Chrysler itself has but one model that (barely) fits my criteria.

200
The cheapest 200 is only a hair under $20k and gets exactly 30mpg. It's definitely a borderline case, but it's also a very handsome automobile - and a comfortable one. Like the other midsize sedans I've tried, the 200 is not difficult to get into or out of. The driver's seat is a very nice place to be, with comfy seats and an interior that is at least trying to look high-end. It's not quite as spacious as the similarly-priced Fusion, but it makes up for it with loads of class. I would not mind driving a 200, and I will at least consider it as a contender for additional evaluation.

Volkswagen

2011-06-22T19:45:00.000-07:00

I've never liked VWs. They're designed to only fit petite Europeans, and any time you see a dude driving one, there's a decent chance he's wearing an upside-down Adidas visor. I suspect "Fahrvergnügen" is actually German for "Shitty car for overprivileged fratboys". Nevertheless, due diligence demands that I at least give them a shot.

I shouldn't have wasted my time.

Sweet car, brah!

Golf
This is the least comfortable car I've ever sat in, and that includes a Miata I once had to move across a parking lot. Ignoring for a moment the ridiculously large roof and floor sills that make getting in and out nearly impossible, the model I sat in had these narrow, high-sided bucket seats that were downright painful. Even the most cursory understanding of ergonomics would indicate that the human ass is not shaped like a "v". Like Steve McQueen, this fact escaped the Germans. I hate this car.

Jetta
Not nearly as terrible as the Golf, the Jetta was still unreasonably difficult to enter and exit. Again with the high floor sill and low head clearance. Even in the sunroof-equipped model I tried, my head was only half an inch from the roof. I really couldn't imagine having to get in and out of this car every day. Other than that, it was pretty comfortable to sit in. The seats were designed with human-shaped butts in mind, so at least it has that going for it. I don't hate this car, but I certainly won't be buying one.

Kia

2011-06-22T11:48:00.000-07:00

"Power to surprise" is right. Kia has a less-than-spectacular reputation. Their cars are very cheap, and the general consensus is that you get what you pay for. I wasn't expecting much from these Korean econo-boxes, but from a purely fat-friendly standpoint, they're the first maker I've found that has two legitimate options.

Rio
As I said in the intro, Kia has two legitimate options. The Rio isn't one of them. It's a tiny car made for tiny people. Nothing about it was comfortable, and there wasn't nearly enough room for either of my legs. Lets waste no more time on this one. On to (slightly) bigger and (much) better things.

Soul
Oh, I get it! Soul. Seoul. Korea. Ha!

You magnificent, odd-looking bastard!

Dumb jokes aside, I really liked this car. It has the same boxy, wagon-ish layout as the xB and Cube, though luckily not nearly as ugly as the Cube. It's still no looker. It's obviously trying very hard to be hip, without really being aware of what "hip" means. This was a car designed by a committee of old men to appeal to young people in a very different culture.

You know what? I don't care. Not even a little. The damn thing is just too well designed (intentionally or not) for someone like myself who is both tall and fat. Just like the other boxes, you just step in and sit down with no contortions needed. Getting out was equally simple. There is loads of shoulder and ass room, and though there isn't a lot of head room (only about 1.5in above my dome), there is enough. The seats feel very good, the armrests are at the right height, and there was enough room for both my legs to rest in a comfortable position. The Soul will definitely be getting a test drive in the near future.

Forte
To look at it, you'd never guess the Forte was based on the same platform as the Hyundai Elantra. I have tried (and loved) the Elantra, and the Forte shares its roomy door openings and drivers area dimensions. For a sedan, ingress/egress is painless. The cabin provided enough room in every direction so that I didn't feel cramped. I could comfortably sit in this car for hours.

That is where the similarities end, though. Where the Elantra looks interesting, the Forte is almost deliberately dull. Both externally and internally, the Forte looks like they were aiming for the most generic car they could build. I wouldn't be embarrassed to be seen in one, but I wouldn't be excited either. Of course, what you get with the Forte is either more options for the same money as an Elantra, or the same options for less dough. Cosmetic concerns aside, it's certainly comfortable and cheap enough to bear a test drive in the final evaluation round.

Mazda

2011-06-22T11:09:00.000-07:00

I almost didn't bother going to the Mazda dealership. They've been in an "It's Complicated" with Ford for the better part of a decade, and most of their cars are built on existing Ford platforms. This is the case with the two Mazda cars I was interested in - the 2 and 3. Since I'd already tried the Ford equivalents (Fiesta and Focus, respectively) and found them to be lacking in the space department, I didn't hold out much hope for the Japanese versions. Turns out, it was worth the trip.

2
Though built on the same platform as (and sharing many parts with) the Ford Fiesta, the Mazda 2 is actually a bit roomier. It's definitely easier to get in and out. The deal killer, though, is that the semi-detached column from which gear shift sprouts intrudes too far into the space where my right leg would comfortable occupy. No worries, the 3 more than made up for it.

3
I don't know how Mazda did it, but the 3 is much better for big people than its brother, the Ford Focus. Getting out was somehow easier than getting in, but both were significantly better than the Focus (or most of the other cars I've tested). The interior was nice, and the adjustable (tilt and telescoping) wheel made thing extra-easy. The seats were plain, but comfortable enough and had lots of adjustments. I could definitely drive this car every day, and it is on my short list of finalists.

Nissan

2011-06-15T20:11:00.000-07:00

Looks like my timing just plain sucks. The local Nissan dealership was, like many others, low on 2011 models and had yet to receive many 2012s. They didn't have a single Versa on the lot. They did have a few others that I wanted to check out, so I made do with what was available.

Cube

I've been dreading this one. It's a box-on-wheels, so in theory it should be very roomy and easy to get in and out of. The price is right and the mileage is acceptable (though borderline). But even though the Cube should be a good candidate on paper, I really didn't want it to fit. I know looks shouldn't count for a cheap commuter car, but this thing is desperately ugly. With its bizarre proportions and drastically asymmetrical styling, the Cube is the Lyle Lovett of the car world. No me gusta.

Hey man, words hurt.

Getting in was as painless as I had feared. There was a massive amount of room in the cabin. I was terrified I might actually have to buy one of these monstrosities, right up until I closed the door.

Hallelujah! Saved by a crippling design flaw.

It seems whatever mental defect made the designer think the Cube looked good also affected his ability to utilize space. Despite acres of room in the cabin, they made the seats far too narrow for someone as wide as myself. With the door closed, I was pushed by the door panels far enough to the center that I couldn't put the seat-mounted armrest down. I also felt as though I would fall out of the thing just sitting there. This is especially silly when you notice the foot-or-so of space between the two front seats. There's nothing there - no center armrest/cubbyhole thingie. Just an empty space where a non-impaired engineer would have put the seats.

Sentra
I expected the same from the Sentra that I got from the Civic, Corolla and Focus - difficult entry and exit, marginally comfortable once inside. I am very happy to have been proven wrong.

Ingress/egress was not as effortless as some of the boxy models, but it was much easier than most of the other sedans I've tried. There was plenty of room in the driver's seat, and though it wasn't as roomy as the Fusion, I definitely felt less cramped than in any of the other compacts. There were no gewgaws on the dashboard poking me in the legs. It was as if they built this car with large people in mind.

I won't bother going into any more details here because I already know the Sentra will end up getting reviewed in detail in the final showdown. I look forward to a test drive and more thorough inspection.

Juke
Fail. The highish ground clearance was helpful in getting in and out, but the low roof pretty much negated that small benefit. Inside, with the seats all the way back, my knees were still pressed uncomfortably into the dash. Head, hip and shoulder room were also in short supply. This was all-around the least comfortable car I've tested so far. The Juke is for small people only.

Ford

2011-06-15T19:17:00.000-07:00

Chevy was abysmal in the cars-for-fatasses department, but maybe the other American car company (Chrysler hardly counts any more) will do better.

Focus
Arguably one of the best looking cars on my list, the Focus is too sporty for its own good. The low roofline, low seat and small cabin make it tough to get into and out of. Once inside, I definitely felt cramped from pretty much every angle. Unlike some of the other cars tested, I could drive the Focus if I had to, but I certainly wouldn't be comfortable. Bummer.

Fusion
Now we're talking! While technically in the same mid-size class as the Cruze, the Fusion feels about 20% bigger on the inside and is 100% easier to get into and out of. The seats are wide and acceptably comfortable, though not spectacular. On a purely do-I-fit basis, the Fusion is a win.

Even though I promised myself I wouldn't take such things into consideration, I do have a minor gripe: The Fusion is dull. The interior is so generic that it practically screams "rental car". The exterior is just as bad, with only the comically large faux-chrome grille to distract you from the ass-aching plainness of the thing.

Luckily, it has another problem that gives me a legitimate excuse to keep looking - the price. Technically, the base model is under $20k (by about $150). However, finding a bone-stock base model for sale anywhere is pretty much impossible. The cheapest Fusion at the local dealership was a hair under $23k, and the salesman said that's pretty standard. I might be able to talk him down into my price range, but that's a battle for another day (if ever). At least I know that - if it comes down to it - there is at least one car that meets all my important criteria.

Fiesta
The dealership didn't have any 2011 Fiestas left, and the 2012s hadn't arrived yet (a common theme). Luckily, I have a friend who owns a 2011 Fiesta, and she was kind enough to let me try it on. It pretty much mirrored my experience with the Focus, being just a bit too tight for comfort in every direction. My knees were so close to the steering wheel that my hands would have hit them during hard turning. Getting in and out was much more difficult than with its sub-compact competitors (Yaris, Fit, etc). My friend is very small, and she absolutely loves her Fiesta. Alas, as large as I am, it is a love I cannot share.

Honda

2011-06-14T16:13:00.000-07:00

Everybody knows Honda makes good small cars. It's pretty much taken for granted that for reliability and resale value, you just can't go wrong with a Honda. But good as they are, can someone who is 6'4", 400lbs fit comfortably in one?

Fit
Every review I've read and every person I've spoken to about the Fit had the same thing to say - It's magical. Somehow ignoring the rules of Euclidean geometry, the Fit's designers managed to make the car bigger on the inside than on the outside. With the rear seats folded flat, this sub-compact commuter car has more storage space than many mid-size SUVs. That bodes well for a large driver.

See that pointy bit circled in red? I HATE that bit.

Getting in certainly was easy. Like some of the other boxy, upright-seating-position cars I've tried, you basically just sit down and you're in. This just might be the one...

But no. Again we have a perfect example of retarded style choices ruining a potentially fat-friendly ride. The center console has a pointy bit that poked directly into your right knee. If that bit wasn't there, or the seat moved two inches farther back, I'd probably be signing the papers on a Fit tomorrow. But that one little jabby bit would make this car impossible to live with for 2-3 hours per day. Seriously, everything else is perfect - head room, leg room, ass room - all fine. I even like the star-trekky steering wheel and instrument cluster.

I could take a sawzall to the offending piece of ill-conceived plastic and make this an ideal car, but FFS, that shouldn't be necessary. Surely a company as large and well-funded as Honda considered the possibility that taller drivers might want to buy their cars? I mean it took more effort on their part to add that stupid pointy bit than it would to have left it out. Dammit Honda.

Civic
I'll make this one quick. The Civic, just like the Corolla and Cruze, was comfortable to sit in, but pointlessly difficult to get into and out of. Leg room was downright phenomenal - I could stretch my left leg out completely straight, and would have been able to do the same with my right if not for the gas pedal. It was a little tight in the hips, but not terribly so. Getting in and out was just too much of a hassle. If all else fails, I may revisit the Civic in the semi-finals, but the remaining options are going to have to be pretty bad.

WTF, Honda?

Insight
It's the only hybrid you can buy for under $20k. That is just about all the Insight has going for it. Of the cars I've tried so far, it was the most difficult car to get in or out of. The low roof, small doors and low seating position are murderous. Once inside, you're faced with the exact same problem as the Fit - a pointless doodad jabbing you in the right knee. In this case, it was a large round instrument cluster that seems to have been engineered specifically to pry the kneecap off your leg. It was uncomfortable sitting still. If I were to dare drive the car, one good pothole would probably leave me wheelchair-bound for life. And because there are necessary buttons and knobs on the protrusion, hacking it off isn't even an option. Though with all the difficulty getting in, the Insight isn't really worth that much trouble anyway.

Toyota / Scion

2011-06-12T10:48:00.000-07:00

Scion is a subsidiary of Toyota, so many dealerships that carry one will carry the other as well. My local dealer does this, so I figured I'd kill two birds with one stone and check out the offerings from both in one visit. What didn't occur to me is the fact that Toyota and Scion, like most Japanese car companies, are still in very rough shape after the earthquake/tsunami/nuclear problems. Several Toyota models are built in other countries (including the US), but all the models I am interested in are made at factories in Japan which have been hit hard by the disaster. The result is slim pickings for small Japanese cars right now. They had no 2011 Matrixes (Matrices?) in stock, nor any scions besides one lonely xB. They were also out of the 2-door Yaris, but did have a 4-door version on hand, as well as several Corollas.

Yaris
As one of the cheapest possible options, I was particularly interested in checking this one out. Yes, my budget is technically $20k, but you can get a Yaris coup with an automatic transmission for under $14k, and who doesn't want to save six grand if they can get away with it?

And I could get away with it - if I had to. The Yaris was, in a word, tolerable. I was able to get into and out of it without much difficulty. It was pretty tight once I got situated, but everything did fit. My legs only fit in one very specific position though - changing position or stretching my legs wasn't an option. The seat wasn't painful, nor was it especially comfortable. It had no real give to it, and I suspect that an hour and a half sitting there would result in a sore rump. The most noticeable problem was that there was nowhere to rest my arms. The door had no armrest to speak of, and the window sill was too narrow and too high to comfortably serve as one. There was an armrest on the right, but it was at least 5 inches too low to be of any use.

If I only had $14k to spend and my choices were to buy a Yaris or walk, I could live with it. If you're a large person on a very tight budget, the Yaris is definitely worthy of consideration. But even the (comparatively) low price is an awful lot to spend on something that is just barely acceptable.

Corolla
The Corolla is one of the most successful brands in automotive history. According to (the always infallible) Wikipedia, Toyota sells one every 40 seconds for a total of over 35 million over the last 40 years. The 2011 model is in the 10th generation of the platform, and although it's the physically largest iteration ever, it's still not big enough for someone my size.

Much like the Chevy Cruze, it was getting into and out of the vehicle that killed it for me. The door openings are too small and the seats too low to the ground for a man of my stature. It's not too bad once inside, but that hardly matters if you can't actually get inside.

OK, that's not entirely fair. The Corolla wasn't as bad as the Cruze. But it was quite a bit trickier than the Yaris, which is a much smaller car. I find this ridiculous, and have to disqualify it from further consideration on general principal.

Scion xB
I had not originally intended to try the xB at all. Its 22/28mpg rating puts it outside the scope of this exercise. But it was the only Scion they had at the dealership, and I felt I should at least give it a try. Getting in and out was super-easy. The near-upright seating position, wide doors and high roof line mean you don't "climb in" so much as just "sit down". The high roof and boxy shape of the vehicle give it tons of head and shoulder room. From the waist up, it felt no more confining than my Expedition. The problem was with everything below the waist. I'd be tempted to break my minimum specifications for this car if it weren't for a very strange interior design choice.

Both the oddly-contoured door skins and the center console intrude well into the space where your legs want to be. There is no possible reason for this other than ill-conceived aesthetics, and the result is that your legs are forced together under the steering wheel - not comfortable when you're fat, let me tell you. The door skins also teamed up with the center armrest to make my ass feel decidedly unwelcome. Well if my ass isn't welcome, then neither am I. Sorry, xB.

Chevrolet

2011-06-10T17:09:00.000-07:00

I stopped by the local Chevy dealer after work today to see what GM has to offer big fat Americans who want cheap little cars. The short answer: Not Much

Aveo
This was actually the best of the three as far as getting into and out of the vehicle. Despite it's small size, I was able to just step into the car and sit down with no contortions or dislocation of any limbs. Unfortunately, despite having loads of room for my head, gut and ass, it didn't have enough room for my right leg. With the seat as far back as it would go, my right knee was still pressed uncomfortably into the dash board. I rather like my right leg, so I have to disqualify the Aveo from further competition.

It's just as well - they're discontinuing the model after this year and replacing it with the Sonic. The dealership hadn't yet received one yet, so I was unable to test the Aveo's successor.

HHR
Bad news for those of you who like retroish mini truck/wagons - the HHR has been discontinued as well. They still had one on the lot, so I climbed in just to satiate the completionist in me. It was not particularly easy to get into, nor was it particularly comfortable to be in. The seat was narrow, hard and flat. With the door closed, it was pretty tight. On the off chance you find one of these used somewhere down the line, I cannot recommend it.

Cruze
I actually wanted to like the Cruze. It's the closest to a real grown-up's car out of the three Chevy options. It looks nice inside and out - though the dashboard does remind me somewhat of a boombox that's trying too hard. However, if looks were a major consideration, I'd have to disregard half the cars on my list. What really matters is how well it can accommodate a man as large as myself.

This may or may not be the dashboard of a Chevy Cruze

Once in the seat with the (telescoping, nice touch) steering wheel adjusted, it's quite comfortable. The seats themselves feel good - firm but not hard, and plenty wide. There was enough head room, and unlike the Aveo, enough room for both of my legs. The problem was getting into that comfortable position.

For reasons I cannot fathom, Chevy decided to make the actual door openings unbelievably tiny. There is a good four inches worth of vertical lip on the threshold - if you've ever had to climb into a 90s jeep cherokee, it's like that. In addition, while the roof itself is high enough for my noggin, there is another lip on the door frame that comes down farther than it has any right to. I had to tuck my head forcefully into my chest just to get past this design flaw. It was a complicated and uncomfortable process to get in and out in the showroom with the door fully open - I don't think I could manage it at all in a tight parking space with another car two feet away. This is not a legitimate option.

Next I think I'll see what Toyota has to offer.

Declaration of Intent

2011-06-07T16:09:00.000-07:00

Soon I will start a new job which, in addition to being much more interesting (and paying more) than my current job, will add considerably to my daily commute. I'm already spending nearly $100/wk on fuel, and that will easily double if I keep driving my large, gas-guzzling SUV. It doesn't take a rocket surgeon to figure out that buying a new, efficient car will pay for itself in fuel savings alone. Not to mention the fact that my '03 Expedition is getting up there in miles, already has a bunch of work that really should be done, and will surely need more in the near future just to keep it on the road.

Obviously a new car is in order. A small one with excellent fuel economy. One that is cheap to buy and cheap to drive. There are lots to choose from, right?

Not necessarily. See, I'm a pretty big guy. A gentleman of significant carriage. I displace a lot of water when submerged. I'm six feet four inches tall and a bit over four hundred pounds fat, so I'm not going to fit into too many cars in the small-and-efficient category. I suppose I could lose weight, but lets be realistic here - food tastes good, running is hard, and weights are heavy. It will be a lot easier to find a small car which can contain my girth than to actually get in shape, and if there is one thing I love, it's the path of least resistance. How do you think I got this way in the first place?

This is what I'm trying to avoid

There has to be at least one currently-manufactured car that gets at least 30MPG, costs under $20k, and that I can get into and out of without requiring a spotter or the jaws of life. By my count, there are 33 vehicles available in the US that fit my price and efficiency criteria. I'm going to "try on" every car in the category and document the results here. If all goes to plan, I'll find at least one that fits my third requirement (my fat ass) and buy it. It is my hope that this information might be of use to other gravitationally abundant Americans.

I've got plenty of time to work on this. It will be several months before my truck is finally paid off and I can save up a reasonable down-payment. By then, the 2012 models will be out and there should be lots of deals/incentives on the 2011 leftovers. Here is the list of perspective vehicles I have compiled:

Chevrolet: Aveo, Cruze, HHR
Chrysler: 200
Ford: Fiesta, Focus, Fusion
Honda: Civic, Fit, Insight
Hyundai: Accent, Elantra, Sonata
Kia: Forte, Rio, Soul
Mazda: 2, 3
Mitsubishi: Lancer
Nissan: Versa, Sentra, Juke, Cube
Scion: xD, tC
Smart: ForTwo
Suzuki: SX4, Kizashi
Toyota: Yaris, Corrola, Matrix
VW: Jetta, Golf

The games begin in a couple days when I will go down to the local Chevy dealer and see whether or not I can shoehorn myself into the heartbeat of America.